


Northern Tropic

by Kyrios (orphan_account)



Series: BNHA/HS Crossovers [1]
Category: Homestuck, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Love/Hate, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 09:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13499060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Kyrios
Summary: Karkat Vantas hates #2 hero Ground Zero more than he could possibly hate himself.





	Northern Tropic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [buffdaddy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffdaddy/gifts).



> HOW DID THIS HAPPEN LMFAO
> 
> full credit to azreto on twitter/tumblr & his buff karkat content.
> 
> don’t judge me. this is very much my first time writing karkat or any hs character at all (which is why, you may have noticed, i avoided giving eridan any direct dialogue in fear of mischaracterising him). in fact, i’m still on A5A2, which, if my patron saint/Friend Who Made Me Read It tells the truth, i’m pretty sure ain’t even halfway through this hell webcomic.
> 
> bottom line: im getting into homestuck in 20 fucking 18 and i’m paying the goddamn price for it
> 
> PLEASE TURN ON CREATORS STYLE!! or don’t. i formatted it so it’d be still understandable. but seriously creators style is 500% prettier
> 
> anyway read the end notes for more ramblings. pce.

Karkat’s been fantasising about his fuck you to Ground Zero throughout all of his godforsaken disaster internship.

Every time he’s hunched over, cleaning up debris and making sure innocent bystanders are fine, he thinks about how pleasant it’d be to tell Ground Zero how much of an abhorrent waste of space he is, and how he should give up on hero work entirely before he brings irredeemable shame to his whole family.

It’s the hope of telling a pro hero to fuck off that keeps Karkat alive through stressful emergency work and Eridan’s bullshit. (Which, quite honestly, has started looking like the most entertaining thing ever, now that he’s had the pleasure of cleaning after the dumbest hero alive.)

* * *

Ground Zero’s fighting a giant rock villain downtown, and Karkat’s emergency team is immediately deployed, because of course they are. Deku’s also on site, and Karkat thanks whoever the fuck called him, because he’s apparently the only local pro who actually gives a shit about his surroundings.

They’re close to a school building, and Karkat’s job is to guide the kids somewhere else and patch up any minor injuries the teachers suffered. It’s not a hard job at all—he’s seen much worse, both during med school and on duty—but Ground Zero’s constant explosions keep shooting debris everywhere, and Karkat’s tired. Why can’t they have a number two hero who knows how to fight without demolishing a whole neighbourhood?

It doesn’t help that a couple kids stare at him like he’s a villainous alien, as if their teacher isn’t a goddamn dog hybrid, and refuse to follow Karkat until he shows them the candy stashed away in his pouch.

After all the children are safely escorted away, Karkat turns back to watch the fight. Having realised there’s no more defenceless people around, Ground Zero becomes even more insufferable and lets loose, using his blasts to hurl himself at the villain while Deku flanks it.

When Ground Zero flies closer, the villain stretches out a claw and slices down his arm, from his shoulder to just above his grenadier bracers. It’s not a particularly gruesome wound, but he’s not built to take free hits like that either; where someone like Red Riot is sturdy and jagged around the edges, Ground Zero’s vulnerable, and he falters when using his final AP Shot, the muscles of his arms twitching in pain.

Karkat watches as the detonation goes straight through the villain’s chest and it falls, defeated, to the ground. A crackle comes through his in-ear device, and the emergency team has the green light to go into the destroyed field, where Ground Zero and Deku are still clouded by smoke.

There are around six other certified emergency workers qualified to provide immediate care, who have all studied the same things Karkat has studied for the past six years. But of course, of goddamn course, Ground Zero decides to walk over to him, and he doesn’t say anything at all, just gestures vaguely to the gash on his right arm.

Many, many things go through Karkat’s mind; to name a few:

  1. Excuse my fucking disdain for you, you temper tantrum-throwing antagonising smarmy piece of irredeemable shit, since it may stop me from attempting to improve your disproportionate quality of life.
  2. You are spineless pompous filth lying atop a mountain of your own pent-up homoerotic tendencies and sheer idiocy, and it makes me want to fucking hurl.
  3. The entirety of your “hero career” is a repugnant unremarkable pile of damp horseshit, and I’m only ever going to achieve true euphoria when I watch your miserable tactless pseudo-existence get wiped the fuck out by a massive bull cock in a gorgeous act of xenosexuality.



But in the end, he grabs Ground Zero’s unwounded arm, raises a finger up to his nose, and yells:

“Get fucked!”

It doesn’t send the rush of adrenaline through Karkat’s veins as he’d been expecting, maybe because he wasn’t nearly as wordy as he’d planned. In fact, Ground Zero stares quizzically at him, like he can’t possibly fathom any reason someone would suddenly tell him to fuck off, which Karkat finds downright hilarious.

He takes a deep breath in, exhales, swears under his breath and retrieves the roll of bandages from his pouch to tend to the injury. Karkat keeps his gaze firmly focused on his work, and refrains from looking at Ground Zero’s loathsome, hideous, sweaty, tight washboard abs.

Because he’s Karkat’s sworn enemy.

The asshole walks away right after and doesn’t even say thank you.

* * *

Meeting Ground Zero in person makes Karkat think about him a lot more, which is a disgraceful side effect he hadn’t previously considered.

In the comfort of his turf, he finds himself looking up “Ground Zero” online and scrolling through the creepy websites where diehard fans gather his and Deku’s middle school records. Some of them write fanfic about the two of them boning each other. Karkat tabs out of that pretty fast, but not before the image of Ground Zero’s shivering body is permanently etched onto his brain.

He learns Ground Zero’s real name is Katsuki. It’s ugly, because it belongs to that insufferable prick, but he admits the first syllable is quite alright. He watches footage of Ground Zero’s first Sports Festival and snickers at his struggling. Karkat then spends the next couple hours of his watching every recorded defeat in Ground Zero’s hero career, spanning from his first internship to fights from last month.

It’s fucking fantastic.

When his laptop dies and Karkat’s faced with the ominous black mirror, he notices Eridan perched behind him, with his scarf covering half of his face like a goddamn creep. Karkat insults his dye job and threatens to stab him in the gills for good measure.

* * *

The next time he sees Ground Zero, he’s teaming up with Uravity and Pinky (Karkat hates her, because her nubby horns are considered fashionable and his aren’t) to stop a possible terrorist threat.

He stands in the sidelines, dishing out orders he technically doesn’t have the authority to give, but he’ll be damned if he lets Ground Zero see him bow his head and follow instructions from some anonymous voice in intercoms. (He remembers Eridan saying Karkat plans way too much of his life around what Ground Zero would think. He also remembers telling Eridan to go fuck himself.)

When the trio finishes scouting the area for planted weapons, Ground Zero starts glancing around, like he’s looking for something—until his eyes land on Karkat and he smirks, and fuck, Karkat doesn’t know if he wants himself or Ground Zero to die the most.

He marches over with prideful, large steps. Karkat begs every deity conceived since the dawn of time, golden era All Might included, to make him vanish instantly. It doesn’t work.

“Going to tell me to get fucked again?” Ground Zero says, and Karkat averts his eyes. “Well, I couldn’t give less of a fuck, but I just got my fucking head dunked on the ground and I’d appreciate if you did your job.”

“I need to do my job because you can’t do yours well,” Karkat seethes. “Go to the goddamn trauma ward if you need help, don’t come to me.”

Something about the word “help” makes Ground Zero’s eyes narrow. Karkat, from his shrimpy 5’6 of height, stares back up at him, the murderous intent he’s gathered over months channeled into one piercing grimace.

“Are you not going to do your fucking job?”

“I did my job, you fickle on-fire moral dumpster,” Karkat spits. “Every civilian received proper treatment, the help they needed after you blew everything the fuck up. I’m not your babysitter. Go fuck yourself.”

Ground Zero crosses his arms. “Do I have to put your fucking job on the line?”

Karkat raises an eyebrow. “You can try.”

“Kinda half fish fucker, bit lanky, creepy flapping fins for ears?” He says, and Karkat gapes. “That your boss, ain’t it?”

“You fucking—” Karkat says. “I’ll fucking do it. You should be thankful I even graced your pitiful self with my assistance.”

He cleans Ground Zero’s forehead off with a couple of cotton balls, dousing them in way too much antiseptic, just so it stings. And if Karkat ends up helping his archenemy check for concussions and get back to his hero agency safely—then that’s no one’s business, really.

* * *

**090-1790-1357:** hey hornfucker  
  
**090-1790-1357:** you free tomorrow night  
  
**Karkat Vantas:** WHO THE TAINTCHAFING FUCK EVEN IS THIS.  
  
**090-1790-1357:** bakugou fucking katsuki  
  
**090-1790-1357:** king of explodo kills  
  
**090-1790-1357:** hero of your dreams and lover of your nightmares  
  
**Karkat Vantas:** HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER.  
  
**Karkat Vantas:** ACTUALLY, SPARE ME. I COULD NOT POSSIBLY CARE ANY LESS ABOUT WHAT YOUR SHRIVELED UP WANKER HANDS DO IN YOUR FREE TIME.  
  
**090-1790-1357:** fish guy gave me your #  
  
**090-1790-1357:** any fucking how round face thinks you were pretty heroic last week or w/e  
  
**Karkat Vantas:** WHAT, HELPING ATROPHIED WANNABE DELINQUENTS GET TO THEIR HERO AGENCIES IS HEROIC NOW?  
  
**Karkat Vantas:** SURELY I’M ON MY WAY TO STEALING THE NUMBER TWO SPOT YOU’VE BEEN SITTING ON FOR HALF A DECADE.  
  
**090-1790-1357:** jeez you’re actually a bigger shithead than i expected  
  
**090-1790-1357:** round face wanted to invite you for a celebration thing  
  
**Karkat Vantas:** AND WHY, DO TELL, DIDN’T SHE INVITE ME HERSELF?   
  
**Karkat Vantas:** DID SHE SENSE THE PUTRID TUMOR YOU CALL YOUR PERSONALITY MAKES MY INSIDES WASTE AWAY? IS THIS AN ELABORATE PLAN TO END MY MISERABLE LIFESPAN?  
  
**090-1790-1357:** holy fuck are you going or not  
  
**Karkat Vantas:** I’LL GIVE IT WAY MORE THOUGHT THAN YOUR COLLAPSED MORAL COMPASS REMOTELY DESERVES.  


* * *

By this, Karkat means yes.

After all, he’s unconsciously been trying to seize any opportunities to mock Ground Zero’s ridiculous, overblown, pathetic, shiny, luscious, squeezable muscles to his face.

**Author's Note:**

> HI!!!!! as you may have noticed this is honestly.... 90% bnha and just 10% homestuck, as in, half of the characters in it are from hs LMFAO. that’s because i am a Goddamn Dumb Bitch & i’m just not confident enough in my worldbuilding to try and actually pretend i know anything about homestuck
> 
> either way, just to reiterate nothing about this is my idea, go give azreto ya love. i stripped emergency personnel karkat from his hands and tainted it w/ my grubby crackship loving harteu. 
> 
> i wrote karkat as quirkless in this, but the idea of him having a lame quirk that’s nothing but POCKET SAND is fucking hilarious so feel free to imagine that if you want
> 
> my twit is hellites if ya wanna do that
> 
> kk bye


End file.
